The Return of Lonely Girl

A couple of months ago, when we thought that we were going to receive exciting news about a new adventure (we were up for a move)...we received news which were less than desirable.  Thee Chaplain (my dear husband) was going to be moved to another unit here on Fort Hood, and for the first nine months of the eighteen month assignment, he would be deployed to Korea.  (Not everyone has the wonderful privilege to be moved there as a family. It was not an option.)  If you know me, I like moving, and seeing new places, and house hunting, and everything that goes along with that.  So I was a little disappointed, but the staying here wasn't so bad.  This is a nice area, and I love my house and my friends here. The kids are stabilized, as well.

But the thought of a nine month separation, after a deployment last year, and the thought of being a single mom of teenagers for that long devastated me.  I know I am supposed to take it all in stride and accept whatever the Army gives us, but to be totally honest, initially I was not happy.  This how I felt..... I will call myself Silly Girl here.

A few years ago, in the height of the war, soldiers were deployed every other year.  But this is not then, and I am new to this life, I have not fully recovered from the last deployment.  And I was not even the one who went to war, so I know that I shouldn't be the one to complain. But, I know, sometimes it really is just as difficult, or more so, for the family at home.   The soldier has their mission to focus on, and they are busy flying around Afghanistan, seeking glory and honor, putting their life at risk for God and Country.  But those at home deal with kids who miss their dad or mom, they worry about the safety of their soldier, and of course everything goes wrong on the home front.  Last time, we had the Deadly Hailstorm of 2014, the second shooting on Ford Hood, and many other smaller catastrophes which you can read about in my older posts.  And long separations are not easy for any relationship, even for those people who have all the answers(please note irony in that statement) and help others with their marriages.

The purpose of this post is not to complain, although it may sound like I am whining. I know I have not dealt with half of what most of the military families have dealt with. Right now I have friends, whose spouses are deployed all over the world, some of them for a full year. 

I know that the kids and I will be fine, and it will be a chance for our characters to grow. Everyone knows that it is difficulty that make us stronger.

However, it IS nice to have a partner around the house to help you in times of trouble.  For example, one day, I was minding my own business, cooking something, like usual, and there was this huge, monstrous, poisonous SCORPION that decided to attack me. (Only in Texas....) I didn't see it, because I was concentrating on making perfect eggs, or something of the sort, but he did.  He saw it chasing me.  I mean, this thing wanted to poison me to death. 

Now, I would like to say that my dear husband did not hesitate at all to kill the beast about to harm me.   But we have been married for a while now, and for a very, very brief moment, he paused and thought about his options.

But, he did the truly courageous thing and grabbed the vacuum cleaner to kill the beast.  I drew him with a sword below, instead of a vacuum cleaner, because swords are cool.  And, if he had a sword, he would have used it in this situation.

 So, as you can see, he comes in useful. .He also signed up for a year contract with an exterminator the next day.  (If you know him, you know he doesn't like contracts or other people doing stuff around the house...he is diy all the way, so this was a huge step.)

My life right now is not about scorpions, its about teenagers.  Scorpions have nothing over the deadly venom of teenagers.  And I have very nice teenagers.  They are usually kind to each other,  and they are capable of having amazing deep conversations.  But, they ARE still teenagers. In addition, other difficulties have surfaced recently in our lives, which I don't have time to talk about here. Thee Chaplain is gifted with dealing with both the kids and situations, especially when my emotions get the better of me, he helps me put things in perspective.


Now, I know it doesn't help anyone to be defeated before the battle.  So, instead of sulking and being scared of the long nine months ahead of us, I decided that Lonely Girl will be have to make a comeback. During the last deployment, I wrote some blogposts concerning the adventures of Lonely Girl (who is really me, in case you didn't guess). Lonely Girl is a superhero of sorts.  She can tackle anything that comes along, and she is brave and strong.  Don't we all need an alter-ego at times to help us believe we can do difficult things?  So, here she is, LONELY GIRL... I think I have this under control, despite the misadventures and hurdles which may come this way.

Grief and Glory

"Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that.

I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless. Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen.

When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, “That’s meaningless!” It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory.

Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for." John Piper

Not So Patient Girl learns a lesson....

Patience... not a virtue that this girl can claim.

In August, we will be here for 36 months, and that is the time that the Army moves chaplains after their first duty station.  The decision where we go and when, was going to happen sometime in December or January, I waited every day to hear news, any news.  Not so patiently, of course.  No, I have been anxious. And excited.  And scared.  Our life was being decided, and it could be wonderful or tragic (goes the dialogue in my mind), but overall I was excited.

One of the reasons why I feel (hear the pride here) that I am a good Army wife, is that I am ready to move to wherever, whenever.   I love change, moving, exploring, and meeting new people. It is the wanderlust in my soul.  So, I was READY to kick the dust off my heels and move everyone on to the next adventure.  I was ready to start my searching for home and town.  I was dreaming of living on a farm this time.  Or a number of other different scenarios.....North Carolina, Europe, Japan, Alaska!!!!

How awesome would Alaska be ( even though I don't like cold weather...just to see the northern lights.....)
Or Washington state (Ahh... the Redwood forests...).

 Or Japan!  Always wanted to live there...

 Or Italy... I do have distant relatives we could  visit ...

But, as in all life, and especially the Army life, things do not happen the way we plan.

Apparently, either due to a miscalculation of our time here, or due to the fact that they are moving people less often (and possibly due to a combination of both), we were slated for a Winter move (2016) not a Summer (2015).  We had no idea.  All that worrying and excitement for nothing!  Patience would have been helpful.

Since we will have a senior half through his senior year next winter, we can request an even later move.   A whole year here longer than I thought.

I have to admit, I was crushed at first.  The selfish part of me wanted to throw a self pity party.  I wanted to explore a new state or country.  I wanted to start fresh.  Even though my kids really weren't ecstatic about another move, I wanted it.

Of course, now, I realize how much better this is for everyone. Reasons keep on coming to mind.....including another year of stability which is a precious commodity in the military.  I have some dear friends here, and so do the kids.

Not to mention the reason we are here...James has a great battalion, an excellent command team and he loves his soldiers.  He is really making a difference. They love him. (Disclosure:  That is not an opinion of a doting wife, I hear it constantly from soldiers.)

And as a reminder of how great Texas is, today, I wore my sandals!  It was sunny, beautiful and over 70 degrees.  Its not too bad to be stuck in a place like this.  

2015 Game Plan

Resolutions

Today is January 2, 2015.  I rarely make serious New Years Resolutions, because I don't want to make a resolution only to break it.  But I feel a need this year to really focus on a few areas in my life.  Partly because as a mother and homemaker, the way I live and manage the house and myself affects four other people.  So, my laziness, fatigue and poor choices usually reflect upon everyone else in various ways.  I think it is like that for everyone.  We may be individuals, but we are also communities.  We all affect each other with our choices.

Below are my kids and the motivation to be a much better example.

1.  DAILY READING TIME.  This doesn't mean my daily reading of facebook or emails which send me the best deal of the century for whatever they are selling.  I want to read good literature, in addition to my Bible.  Every day.  This past year I read the Idiot, which was incredible. But it took me forever!  I would forget where I put it and not read anything of value for a month! Right now I am reading Perelandra by C.S.Lewis.  Next on my list is the Foundation Trilogy by Asimov.  Yes, Brothers Karamazov is on the list, but I might choose an easier classic to read first.  

I know that if my kids see me unplugging and reading, it will have more of an impact than if I nag them to unplug and read.  

And I even found the best used bookstore ever in the next town to help me out. 

2. HEALTHY NATURAL FOODS.  We eat pretty healthy right now.  I cook most meals at home and have an average of one or two meals out (pizza or burgers or chinese takeout) a week.    I would like to cut out more processed food.  My problem is that my teenagers are bottomless pits, and it is so difficult to cook enough to have any leftovers. Without leftovers, I am cooking a LOT!  You may say, double the recipe, use a crock pot, and I DO!  I need to get a bigger crock pot though.  My downfall is the day old bakery section at our local grocery store.  I can't bake for the prices, and my kids love the muffins and treats.  Still, homemade blueberry muffins are a lot healthier than the chemically laced treats bought in store bakerys.

I resolve to bake and cook more at home with natural ingredients. If my kids see me eating healthy and I provide enough natural homecooked food to fill them, they will learn to choose healthier foods as well.

3. REGULAR EXERCISING.  Other than a nightly 2 mile walk with the hound, I havent exercised in months.  I have had no motivation or energy.  I know part of the reason is a chemical reason , but I know that once I commit and make exercising a daily habit, it will get easier to do.  In addition, I really need to be an example to my daughter Rose, who is 12 and is home schooled right now.  If I let her, after school is done, she will sit around playing video games or playing guitar (which is good, just not that physical) all day long.  She knows already how much better she feels if she runs a mile during the day, so I already have a running partner.  

4.  MICROWAVE COOKING. Along with the healthy eating above, I need to research how healthy microwave cooking is. We use that little silver box A LOT.  I know that microwave cooking alters the molecular structure of your foods.  What is the result of that?  Before we moved into this house, I had gone a year without it.  Its doable to live without, but its so nice to heat up a cup of coffee or quick snack!

5. DRAW OR PAINT EVERYDAY.  Every time I draw or paint something, I feel as though a part of my soul comes to life.  Do you ever feel like you are walking through life as a zombie?  I do sometimes, but when I make myself sit down to draw/paint, I feel more alive.  There is so much therapy in the creating.  Most of my sketches, I wouldn't show anyone, but its not about the end product, its about the process, and exploration of medium and techniques. 

6.  My major artistic problem is I am so ARTADD.  It is probably what made me a good art teacher.  I know enough about most mediums to work with them and  teach them.   But I am no master at any of them.   In addition, since I have so many interests, I usually have three or more projects going on at once and there is so much mess in my work area.   Which causes my work area to look like this photo.  Then I get stressed and run away into the room where I can play skyrim and block out my creative catastrophe.  

My interests also include  "artsy-craftsy" things like jewelry making.  Some of the more craftsy non fine art things I end up doing more because they are more practical, for either selling or gift giving. This takes away focus and time from drawing and painting. I am working on a self analysis of my work to decide what artistic ventures to focus on and what to put aside.  I am torn because locally there is a bead store which offers jewelry classes in soldering and metalsmithing.  Although I consider that true art, I am afraid that I will just accumulate more tools to be able to dabble with, but never perfect.  Then again, taking a class is priceless, learning an art and skill is always advantageous.

Looking at my list is a little overwhelming!  During the past week, however, these are the areas which I feel convicted about.  I need to set an example for my kids to follow, and life is so short.  I don't want to waste it!

So here's to a happy and healthy and productive 2015.

Lonely Girl Laments the System

With the homecoming of THE Chaplain approaching sometime soon, I probably should be writing about what life lessons were learned through out the ordeal.

But I am not, because something extraordinary happened. The last day of school (June 5), I did not make my son Ethan go to school.  It was the 8th grade graduation ceremony and awards were being given.
Parents like to go to those things and take photos.  Not me.  Not for Ethan.  And its not because I am not interested in his schooling.  Quite the opposite.

Several years ago, when I first started teaching, I was given a homeroom class which was considered by others a little difficult.  Before I go further, let me say, I loved these kids and they loved me.  We had a great 7th grade community and I was the one who took care of all the non studious details of school for them, in addition to teaching them Art and Science.

But there were a few students who were classically "unmotivated".  They did not care about completing assignments, or handing them in, or studying for tests.  The headmaster of the school sent me to an enlightening workshop.  It was taught by the guy who wrote this book.  http://www.amazon.com/The-Motivation-Breakthrough-Secrets-Tuned-Out/dp/0743289617

One of the illustrations he used was of a high school student, who upon the FIRST time EVER of having his work displayed on a bulletin board, excitedly brought his parents to see it.  It was a monumental thing to him, the achievement of being recognized for doing well.  There were tears of joy.  My retelling falls flat, but it was an inspirational story of how a teacher's legitimate acknowledgement of a student's work can make a huge difference. Especially for those kids who fall between the cracks.

The American classroom is set up so that a CERTAIN kind of learner can excel.  Since not all students are made to sit in a seat for seven hours and learn through either auditory or visual means, even if a student is intelligent, it does not mean he/she will do well.  Or even want to do well.  And in addition to this, a student who thinks they are "dumb" because they do not do well in the classroom, has a tendency to become a problematic student.  It is better to be thought "bad" than "dumb", its a cover up for some students to hide the fact that they dont think they can do well.

My son is the quiet kid in the classroom, and doesnt speak often.  He doesnt cause trouble. He slips through the cracks easily. In first grade he had a  teacher who placed him in the back of the room, near a window, and then she wondered why he  couldn't pay attention to her talking and lecturing. She thought he had a learning disability.  But the problem was that he was soooo bored.  I taught him how to read, she did not.  I sat down 10 minutes a night and worked through this big yellow book.  He did great.

In fifth grade, his teacher talked to him like he was dumb throughout the year.  You know the slow deliberate tone when you are not sure the listener is comprehending you.  She told him excitedly after he passed the End of Course (state) exam for math, "I am so proud of you, I didnt think you could pass."   REALLY? 

I lost my stomach for awards ceremonies when he was in elementary school.  One year, every student in his class got an acadamic award or achievement of some type, except three.  He was one who did not.  I realized then, how it must feel for him.  I asked him about it afterwards and he said "Whats the big deal about As and Bs?  You work really hard all year, and what do you get?  A piece of paper! Not worth the effort."  He doesnt realize that sometimes pieces of paper  are VERY important in life, but to a young boy who would rather be out there with a baseball stick, it doesn't seem to be important at all.

 I am not a supporter of giving every kid an award, that promotes mediocrity.  But every kid but three might promote mediocrity and in addition, push those who do average work even lower.

So, this year, he asked me if he could stay home and not go to 8th grade graduation.  And I said yes.  But I made a MISTAKE!  When I went to pick up his diploma, there was something unexpected in the envelope....

This is his FIRST academic excellence award EVER.

I could tell he was very pleased.  It was a HUGE thing for him.  This piece of paper was needed.  I am hoping that this encouragement motivates him to put an effort into high school.  He is smart, he just never believed he was since the classroom never worked for his learning style. 

This is a kid who watches science documentaries and can comprehend concepts such as rocket ships,  and colonization of other planets, among other deep subjects.   Now that he is beginning high school, he should have the tools which can help him succeed.  He just needed the motivation.  I have great appreciation for his history teacher for noticing his  natural love for the subject and acknowledging it.  

Later, we went to the book store.  He went to the philosophy and history section of the book store and picked out this.  We are reading it together and discussing the ideas.  He also needed glasses, who knows how long he couldn't see the board.  I told you he was quiet.....

Lonely Girl Saga .... Deployments Suck

 I have lasted over 5 months without being committed to either an insane asylum or prison.  I am doing great!

(Thanks to  Lovesparks Photography for the fantastic photo of me with the bluebonnets.)

Seriously, I have not written a while, or posted a lot on facebook or instagramed, or pinterested, because life has been crazy!  Both here and for Chappy in Afghanistan.    I will write a book one day about it all, I hope.  Life is crazier than fiction, but I must remain silent now.  (Hope I am building intrigue)

The media tells everyone that the troops are coming home, but around here, most of the soldiers are gone. The general consensus around Fort Hood is that Deployments Suck!  My dear mother would not appreciate me using such a vulgar term, but sometimes only certain words will do for certain situations.  Sorry, Mom, Love you!

First of all, as far as deployment is concerned, I was TOLD by my good friend Monica that deployment is the ROLLER COASTER ride.  Extreme emotions, pining, missing, obsessing, loving.  And then the rubber band effect of anger and frustration of not being able to connect with your loved one physically in any way.

Now, being a Chaplain's wife, I probably should say that my husband and I have a perfect marriage and never fight.  He teaches and trains his soldiers and their families on marriage.  He does a LOT of marital counseling.  So, since he is an expert, we should have an idyllic, calm, perfect marriage.  So here, comes another confession...

My husband and I like to argue.    I am not sure "like" is a good word.  But we would rather slug out the conflict rather than passive aggressively suppress any problems.  It is probably the high Italian content in both of our blood makeup. We have never fallen into a pattern where we don't talk to each other because we are angry.  And even after almost 20 years of marriage (I can NOT be that old)  we have not settled into a comfortable or boring relationship. That is fine for some people. I applaud and respect the people who can live together and never fight.  But I will take the conflict happily, not only because it helps us resolve our issues, but more importantly when we make up and kiss, it is just as magical as that first kiss so long ago. But when you are separated, for MONTHS, making up is a little different than usual.  You can't kiss.  So fighting is more stressful.  And the pain of separation and missing each other becomes more acute.

There have been so many OTHER situations arising on both sides of the sea, that I can't possibly fit all the drama here.
Please wait for a book to come soon to major booksellers (Yeah, right, if I KNEW someone in the industry)

I am just hoping and praying that the he comes home as soon as possible.  Safe and sound.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks to  Lovesparks Photography for the fantastic photo of me with the bluebonnets.

Lonely Girl Misses The Chaplain..

So, I guess you could say that the Lonely Girl has been trying to keep her head above water, and hasn't written or read anything of value lately.  My brain is turning into essentially a  piece of mushy oatmeal.

But really today is all about my confession.  I am weak.  I AM DONE.   This whole deployment thing was novel at first in a tragically Jane Austen sort of way.  It was a challenge.  To take on sorrow and "THRIVE Not Just Survive" as they say around these Army lands. To deal with the pain of separation from your soul mate and become stronger because of the pain.  To function and run everything and fix everything and not get into any car accidents and to have everything perfect so that when he comes home he will say "you did such a great job, Baby"  and then he will plant a great big kiss on my lips for a job well done.  ( And I am completely aware of the previous sentence being a run on.  I was attempting to be poetic.)

But I AM DONE now.  Please end, already, deployment.  I want THE Chaplain home safely tomorrow morning as soon as I wake up.   I am SUCH a whimp.  So many of these Army wives have been through multiple year long deployments and I am done at 78 days.  But its not ALL my fault.   I have had some real struggles keeping up with getting everyone where they need to be, especially since its baseball season, keeping the house decent, keeping food in the house and actually cooking something besides KFC chicken or Whataburger, without all of the added stresses heaped on us lately.

The past couple of weeks have been horrible around Fort Hood.  My parents came into town for a visit, which was wonderful.  During their visit, not only does the The Most Epic Hailstorm fall upon us, but the Fort Hood shooting of 2014.  No wonder they didn't stay longer than 9 days.  

As far as the Epic Hailstorm goes... my "new" Mazda which I barely take out of the garage, was taken out for a trip to Lowe's.  I thought it might rain and my Jeep had no top on it that day (which is how it should be).  

No sooner had I stepped into the store with my dad, did it start to rain.
No.   It didn't rain.  The sky vomited  buckets of water and huge balls of ice upon the mere mortals who lived below. And the wind whipped around in crazy swirls and gusts threatening to blow everything in the town away.  I could almost see the Wicked Witch on her broom flying in the windy patterns.  It was like no other storm I have EVER seen.

I resigned myself to a car with broken windshields and a unrecognizable exterior.

It wasn't that bad, but it definitely needed to be fixed.  I was afraid to stress The Chaplain out by telling him about it before I got details.  He has much more important things to fix.  But today, I found out all will be well, because insurance is a good thing to have.

But WHY do these things happen when he is GONE?

I just don't want to deal with all that stuff anymore.  Being a Princess, I didn't even know if insurance would cover it.  And yes, I used my supposed princess status to add a picture of a real life princess in a lovely dress.

  I don't usually have to deal with car stuff.   Or unwinterizing the sprinkler system.  Or mowing lawns.  Or, well, even vacuuming.  (Yep he does that too, please don't judge me too harshly)  And since I am easily distractible it takes me twice as long to do anything. 

And then the shooting happened, which was such a terrible catastrophe for the whole community.....no the whole nation. But especially for those whose loved ones were touched.  We were not near the base when it happened, but those who were on base were locked down for several hours.  It was very chaotic.

Mostly, though, I just really miss him.    I miss hanging out with him every night.  

Ironically, in the midst of all of the craziness, there is indescribable natural beauty here in the Lonestar state.  The wildflowers are blooming everywhere.

Beautiful fields of every color imaginable.  I took a few photos of the bluebonnet fields, but they are not the ONLY flower in Texas.  There are bright orange red flowers called Indian paintbrushes.  And bright yellow daisies.  And other daisies which are yellow with coral red centers.  And regular daisies.  And light pink flowers I don't know the name of.  And there are unending fields of them everywhere.  When I see them I think "This is how the Other Land looks in C.S.Lewis' The Last Battle".

The fields get more lush and colorful, the closer you get to Hill Country or Salado or Austin.  Well, anywhere further from Fort Hood because the military experiments must have messed with the environment and all.  (JUST KIDDING!)  My point is, spring is absolutely beautiful in Texas and the flowers astound me every day.  I need to get photos of the "other flowers", too.  Texas is more than bluebonnets (please dont lynch me, Texan natives).   OH and the horses are beautiful too.  I still want my husband home, though.  Right away.