Lonely Girl Misses The Chaplain..

So, I guess you could say that the Lonely Girl has been trying to keep her head above water, and hasn't written or read anything of value lately.  My brain is turning into essentially a  piece of mushy oatmeal.

But really today is all about my confession.  I am weak.  I AM DONE.   This whole deployment thing was novel at first in a tragically Jane Austen sort of way.  It was a challenge.  To take on sorrow and "THRIVE Not Just Survive" as they say around these Army lands. To deal with the pain of separation from your soul mate and become stronger because of the pain.  To function and run everything and fix everything and not get into any car accidents and to have everything perfect so that when he comes home he will say "you did such a great job, Baby"  and then he will plant a great big kiss on my lips for a job well done.  ( And I am completely aware of the previous sentence being a run on.  I was attempting to be poetic.)

But I AM DONE now.  Please end, already, deployment.  I want THE Chaplain home safely tomorrow morning as soon as I wake up.   I am SUCH a whimp.  So many of these Army wives have been through multiple year long deployments and I am done at 78 days.  But its not ALL my fault.   I have had some real struggles keeping up with getting everyone where they need to be, especially since its baseball season, keeping the house decent, keeping food in the house and actually cooking something besides KFC chicken or Whataburger, without all of the added stresses heaped on us lately.

The past couple of weeks have been horrible around Fort Hood.  My parents came into town for a visit, which was wonderful.  During their visit, not only does the The Most Epic Hailstorm fall upon us, but the Fort Hood shooting of 2014.  No wonder they didn't stay longer than 9 days.  

As far as the Epic Hailstorm goes... my "new" Mazda which I barely take out of the garage, was taken out for a trip to Lowe's.  I thought it might rain and my Jeep had no top on it that day (which is how it should be).  

No sooner had I stepped into the store with my dad, did it start to rain.
No.   It didn't rain.  The sky vomited  buckets of water and huge balls of ice upon the mere mortals who lived below. And the wind whipped around in crazy swirls and gusts threatening to blow everything in the town away.  I could almost see the Wicked Witch on her broom flying in the windy patterns.  It was like no other storm I have EVER seen.

I resigned myself to a car with broken windshields and a unrecognizable exterior.

It wasn't that bad, but it definitely needed to be fixed.  I was afraid to stress The Chaplain out by telling him about it before I got details.  He has much more important things to fix.  But today, I found out all will be well, because insurance is a good thing to have.

But WHY do these things happen when he is GONE?

I just don't want to deal with all that stuff anymore.  Being a Princess, I didn't even know if insurance would cover it.  And yes, I used my supposed princess status to add a picture of a real life princess in a lovely dress.

  I don't usually have to deal with car stuff.   Or unwinterizing the sprinkler system.  Or mowing lawns.  Or, well, even vacuuming.  (Yep he does that too, please don't judge me too harshly)  And since I am easily distractible it takes me twice as long to do anything. 

And then the shooting happened, which was such a terrible catastrophe for the whole community.....no the whole nation. But especially for those whose loved ones were touched.  We were not near the base when it happened, but those who were on base were locked down for several hours.  It was very chaotic.

Mostly, though, I just really miss him.    I miss hanging out with him every night.  

Ironically, in the midst of all of the craziness, there is indescribable natural beauty here in the Lonestar state.  The wildflowers are blooming everywhere.

Beautiful fields of every color imaginable.  I took a few photos of the bluebonnet fields, but they are not the ONLY flower in Texas.  There are bright orange red flowers called Indian paintbrushes.  And bright yellow daisies.  And other daisies which are yellow with coral red centers.  And regular daisies.  And light pink flowers I don't know the name of.  And there are unending fields of them everywhere.  When I see them I think "This is how the Other Land looks in C.S.Lewis' The Last Battle".

The fields get more lush and colorful, the closer you get to Hill Country or Salado or Austin.  Well, anywhere further from Fort Hood because the military experiments must have messed with the environment and all.  (JUST KIDDING!)  My point is, spring is absolutely beautiful in Texas and the flowers astound me every day.  I need to get photos of the "other flowers", too.  Texas is more than bluebonnets (please dont lynch me, Texan natives).   OH and the horses are beautiful too.  I still want my husband home, though.  Right away.

Confessions of A Lonely Girl

I have another secret confession.

I am a closet stuffer.  
Let me explain.  I like things neat and organized.  I like to have everything in order. But I also usually have multiple projects going on at any moment.  Plus, I often have days like this....

I believe I may have Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

Anyway, I usually end up with piles of papers and other odds and ends everywhere.  SO, being that I like the appearance of order, I stuff these piles of papers and other stuff in closets.  Any closet close by. Sometimes I stuff things in drawers too.  I try to limit this stuffing to only two "junk drawers".  Then at least I can pretend that my world is in order, because everything looks cleaned up.

This.... bothers me and stresses me out, and yet is my continual state of household order.

But when I stuff all that in a closet, I can try to forget about the chaos.

If you walk in my house and it looks all neat and clean and organized, its a LIE.
And please don't open any cupboards, closets or drawers.  Things may fall on you.



So, continuing on in the Epic Adventures of  The Lonely Girl, the past couple of days have been torturous due to my closet stuffing.  You see, when your spouse deploys, there are a few important papers that you MUST keep close by.

Most important, besides the Last Will and Testament is the Power of Attorney.

 Believe it or not, there are SO many things which you (if you are a spouse) cannot do without it!  This week, I needed to transfer the lien holder of the title to my Jeep.  We refinanced it a couple of months ago, and of course everything took longer than it should.  I had to go to the DMV with a car title in the name of my husband and try to do business.  No cigar!  If you do not have a Power of Attorney, they won't even talk to you, even though it is for all intents and purposes MY CAR!

I thought I knew where I put the piece of paper.  Since it was so important, I put it in a special place.   I KNEW that I needed it for multiple purposes. It was not where I thought it would be.  Or any of the other safe places I have.   I spent hours tearing apart every room and closet.  (I actually used the opportunity to organize each place I searched.  I can now walk into my walk in closet, thank you very much)

Finally, after fretting and stressing, and totally falling apart emotionally, I checked one more place.  My art supply closet.  I usually don't put papers in there, other than art paper, but hey, why not?  And miracle of miracles, a pile of random papers were in there!  I feverishly ripped through them and lo and behold, it was there!
I started to sing the Hallelujah Chorus and danced around a bit. After a prayer of thanks, I gathered my papers and fled to the DMV to be rid of the blasted title.

How did it end up there? See, my in laws had made a last minute trip to see  The Chaplain off to Afghanistan, and I had cleaned before they came.
Which meant that I gathered any papers laying around and STUFFED them into the closet.  That is what closet stuffers do.   

I think I could go on about how this is indicative of a spiritual matter.  Of a personality that likes to stuff all their sins and faults away and put on a mask or facade of perfection.
But this is not me.
I just like my house to look clean.
Someday, my dream is to have closets which are organized and pretty.

And I hope to not stuff everything in them.  

Lonely Girl Journal

Soooo.... who's idea was it to buy a house in a NEW neighborhood with construction going on?
And who's idea was it to get a puppy, one who needs atleast an hour of exercise EVERY DAY?
AND WHO'S IDEA was it to have three kids?  Two teenage boys and a preteen girl?
ALL right before their husband deploys?


That's right folks.. its ME!

It has been one week since James (THE Chaplain as he likes to be called) has deployed.  And I was actually thinking I could have time to read and play Skyrim.  Oh and paint, maybe draw a little, because that's what I DO!  FAIL!  I have had three kids who either had anxiety illness or the FLU!  I think it might be the flu.  SERIOUSLY.

But since I deal with things so perfectly, I decided to pamper myself and get my haircut.  Because why not? I cut it shorter than I have in years (shorter than my shoulders) since Ethan as a four year old told me "Mom, I love you but I don't like your hair."  So, there you go.  A forty year old woman dealing with stress.

 But... victory won.  I fixed the garbage disposal in the sink. YAY for me :)  Now if I can manage having a daily devotional time and exercise (other than the dog walking).  

On a positive note, my husband is safe and I was able to talk with him through messaging and skype a couple times today.

Tale of a Lonely Girl

My husband left me on Tuesday.

So I am officially a single mom.

I knew he would, of course.  The signs were all there.  The late hours.  The emotional detachment.  .   I know I am not alone.  I know some of you know my pain.

It is impossible to compete when your husband's mistress is so attractive.  Somehow he was given the idea that all of his soul's longings would be filled.  Adventure, Honor, Duty, Sacrifice.....and recognition.  He even came home with coins.
You may have guessed (especially if you are a military spouse) that my husband's mistress is the United States Army!  He deployed this week and he is in Afghanistan.

I am really dreading the next few months because EVERY spouse of a soldier I have spoken to told of some catastrophe which happens during deployment.  Cars breakdown, kid's bones break, appliances explode, puking diseases, and dog emergencies are just a few I have heard about.  I am holding my breath.

I am actually looking forward to one aspect of the separation.  I want to prove to myself that I can do things on my own.  That I can fix catastrophes and make sure the family is running properly.

I am a newcomer to the military lifestyle.  So, I have teenagers and this is our first deployment.  That is not the norm.  My functioning in the culture is sometimes quite humorous.  Its a good thing I can laugh at myself!  For example, I sometimes forget what rank all the little symbols are. That can cause some problems.  Last week, we were at a predeployment function,  and a man with a little eagle on his uniform came up and started joking around with my hubby.  He asked me if my husband was ready for deployment, and I said (not realizing what the eagle meant), "Oh he can't wait!  He wants the adventure and the glory and honor!"  The brigade commander, the Colonel, laughed and said , "There's no adventure or glory over there!"  I probably would have been too nervous to say anything intelligible if I knew who he was, so its probably a good thing.

Needless to say, I am sure I will continue to have awkward moments.  Due to deployment, and I might just write them here.


Some other mishaps of the Lonely Girl as a Military Wife....


http://rambling-meditations.blogspot.com/
http://rambling-meditations.blogspot.com/2013_09_01_archive.html
http://rambling-meditations.blogspot.com/2013_07_01_archive.html

General Ramblings of an Army Wife

I am a little old to be new to the military lifestyle.  Most Army wives my age have spent the past 15-20 years acclimating to the culture.  Sometimes, I feel like I need a little help while navigating through our new life.  Up until this point I have two unwritten rules, which I explain later.

I was garage sale-ing ( is that a real word, even?) on Saturday and picked up a copy of this book to help me out.  I was so happy to have it all laid out in book form!

I got quite a deal, apparently.  I paid fifty cents, and Amazon lists it for $25.  

Anyone who truly knows me may ask...why do I want to follow the rules, not normally being a rule follower by nature? Mind you, I refuse to try to fit in for political gain.  I am not one who could ever  "kiss up" to further my husband's career.  That is my #1 unwritten rule.   I don't want to pretend to be someone I am not. However, engrained in my mind is something I read about how a military spouse is a  reflection of their soldier, and one should act accordingly. 

My #2 unwritten rule up until this point, since I am not really sure of all the proper etiquette, is to always wear a simple dress at any function, even if stopping by the office.  "You can never go wrong in a dress (I can hear my mother's words echo in my head)."

Well, let me just tell you that this book did me wrong last night!  Not tragically wrong.  No, I didn't embarrass the good name of my husband.  But I was a tad underdressed!  I was invited to a Farewell "Coffee" for the Brigade Commander's wife.  My husband is a battalion chaplain, so the Brigade Commander is a level above his commander, if that makes sense.  I am still learning how all the ranking works myself!  Above the Brigade Commander, is the Division Commander.  He is a General.  And it was the General's wife who was hosting.  The spouse who was moving on is one of the most gracious, kind and benevolent people I have ever met.  I have not been very good at attending spouse events, I usually make up excuses as to why I can't go.  Then I feel guilty afterwards.  I dread these social functions, which of course does not make me a very good Army wife.    But this event was different.

I wanted to attend this event because I really like the woman.  And after the last memorial service that James preached at, she genuinely raved about his homily.   His sermonette was a bit of a risk, and it was either going to be a total failure or a masterpiece.  He spoke about the video game, Call of Duty and tied the mission of the game in beautifully with how soldiers need to work together and be each other's lifeline. The soldier who died had been a huge gamer. Not everyone would appreciate James' mastery and his usage of a video game at such a somber event, but she commented about how his type of thinking is exactly what the soldiers needed.  Of course she was endeared to my heart after that.

The invitiation said the dress was Casual.  (Not Texas Casual, just Casual).  So, I looked up in the above book what Casual entails in the military lifestyle.   Jeans, sandals, pants, not sloppy, but CASUAL.  I got this, I thought.  I wore jeans, a nice tank, a pearl bracelet, I actually put on makeup and tamed my wild hair, too.  I looked presentable and fresh.  Minus the scarf and jacket (way too hot for that), my look was somewhat like the outfit below.

I arrive at the General's house and guess what?  There were spouses wearing cocktail dresses!  Not all, but a handful, and the majority of other women wore casual dresses.  There were a few women who wore pants and jeans, so I wasn't a total sore thumb.  I actually found it amusing.  Who wears a cocktail dress to a casual event anyway?  Perhaps since it was at a high ranking officer's house, any type of dress should be stepped up a notch.  I don't know, I am a little clueless, like I said before.

Oh, but the food!  It was amazing!  I wish I could have taken photos and shared them on pinterest.  The plates were beautiful and laid out in several rooms in a perfectly composed fashion.  

Here are some similar foods I found online...  cantalope in shot glasses

I had to have a tiny lamp chop!  I love lamb and rarely get a taste.

Marinated tomato and mozzerella kabobs...

And in every little nook were shot glasses filled with marinated shrimp and olives and cheese, tiny cups of middle eastern rice dishes and Mediterranean noodles.  Huge decadent brownies, as well.  

And some of these tiny grape leaf appetizers too.  

 The hostess was extremely friendly and approachable as well.   And seriously, no one was judging me based on what I wore.  I was able to spend some time speaking to several ladies I know pretty well.   And to top it off, I had a couple of sips of an amazing Jalapeno white wine!  Spicy and dry, and from Virginia, not a local winery.  

Yet another misadventure in the life of this Army wife.  My motto continues to be, "Live and learn and enjoy every day of this beautiful life!"