The Return of Lonely Girl

A couple of months ago, when we thought that we were going to receive exciting news about a new adventure (we were up for a move)...we received news which were less than desirable.  Thee Chaplain (my dear husband) was going to be moved to another unit here on Fort Hood, and for the first nine months of the eighteen month assignment, he would be deployed to Korea.  (Not everyone has the wonderful privilege to be moved there as a family. It was not an option.)  If you know me, I like moving, and seeing new places, and house hunting, and everything that goes along with that.  So I was a little disappointed, but the staying here wasn't so bad.  This is a nice area, and I love my house and my friends here. The kids are stabilized, as well.

But the thought of a nine month separation, after a deployment last year, and the thought of being a single mom of teenagers for that long devastated me.  I know I am supposed to take it all in stride and accept whatever the Army gives us, but to be totally honest, initially I was not happy.  This how I felt..... I will call myself Silly Girl here.

A few years ago, in the height of the war, soldiers were deployed every other year.  But this is not then, and I am new to this life, I have not fully recovered from the last deployment.  And I was not even the one who went to war, so I know that I shouldn't be the one to complain. But, I know, sometimes it really is just as difficult, or more so, for the family at home.   The soldier has their mission to focus on, and they are busy flying around Afghanistan, seeking glory and honor, putting their life at risk for God and Country.  But those at home deal with kids who miss their dad or mom, they worry about the safety of their soldier, and of course everything goes wrong on the home front.  Last time, we had the Deadly Hailstorm of 2014, the second shooting on Ford Hood, and many other smaller catastrophes which you can read about in my older posts.  And long separations are not easy for any relationship, even for those people who have all the answers(please note irony in that statement) and help others with their marriages.

The purpose of this post is not to complain, although it may sound like I am whining. I know I have not dealt with half of what most of the military families have dealt with. Right now I have friends, whose spouses are deployed all over the world, some of them for a full year. 

I know that the kids and I will be fine, and it will be a chance for our characters to grow. Everyone knows that it is difficulty that make us stronger.

However, it IS nice to have a partner around the house to help you in times of trouble.  For example, one day, I was minding my own business, cooking something, like usual, and there was this huge, monstrous, poisonous SCORPION that decided to attack me. (Only in Texas....) I didn't see it, because I was concentrating on making perfect eggs, or something of the sort, but he did.  He saw it chasing me.  I mean, this thing wanted to poison me to death. 

Now, I would like to say that my dear husband did not hesitate at all to kill the beast about to harm me.   But we have been married for a while now, and for a very, very brief moment, he paused and thought about his options.

But, he did the truly courageous thing and grabbed the vacuum cleaner to kill the beast.  I drew him with a sword below, instead of a vacuum cleaner, because swords are cool.  And, if he had a sword, he would have used it in this situation.

 So, as you can see, he comes in useful. .He also signed up for a year contract with an exterminator the next day.  (If you know him, you know he doesn't like contracts or other people doing stuff around the house...he is diy all the way, so this was a huge step.)

My life right now is not about scorpions, its about teenagers.  Scorpions have nothing over the deadly venom of teenagers.  And I have very nice teenagers.  They are usually kind to each other,  and they are capable of having amazing deep conversations.  But, they ARE still teenagers. In addition, other difficulties have surfaced recently in our lives, which I don't have time to talk about here. Thee Chaplain is gifted with dealing with both the kids and situations, especially when my emotions get the better of me, he helps me put things in perspective.


Now, I know it doesn't help anyone to be defeated before the battle.  So, instead of sulking and being scared of the long nine months ahead of us, I decided that Lonely Girl will be have to make a comeback. During the last deployment, I wrote some blogposts concerning the adventures of Lonely Girl (who is really me, in case you didn't guess). Lonely Girl is a superhero of sorts.  She can tackle anything that comes along, and she is brave and strong.  Don't we all need an alter-ego at times to help us believe we can do difficult things?  So, here she is, LONELY GIRL... I think I have this under control, despite the misadventures and hurdles which may come this way.

Grief and Glory

"Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that.

I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless. Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen.

When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, “That’s meaningless!” It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory.

Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for." John Piper

Not So Patient Girl learns a lesson....

Patience... not a virtue that this girl can claim.

In August, we will be here for 36 months, and that is the time that the Army moves chaplains after their first duty station.  The decision where we go and when, was going to happen sometime in December or January, I waited every day to hear news, any news.  Not so patiently, of course.  No, I have been anxious. And excited.  And scared.  Our life was being decided, and it could be wonderful or tragic (goes the dialogue in my mind), but overall I was excited.

One of the reasons why I feel (hear the pride here) that I am a good Army wife, is that I am ready to move to wherever, whenever.   I love change, moving, exploring, and meeting new people. It is the wanderlust in my soul.  So, I was READY to kick the dust off my heels and move everyone on to the next adventure.  I was ready to start my searching for home and town.  I was dreaming of living on a farm this time.  Or a number of other different scenarios.....North Carolina, Europe, Japan, Alaska!!!!

How awesome would Alaska be ( even though I don't like cold weather...just to see the northern lights.....)
Or Washington state (Ahh... the Redwood forests...).

 Or Japan!  Always wanted to live there...

 Or Italy... I do have distant relatives we could  visit ...

But, as in all life, and especially the Army life, things do not happen the way we plan.

Apparently, either due to a miscalculation of our time here, or due to the fact that they are moving people less often (and possibly due to a combination of both), we were slated for a Winter move (2016) not a Summer (2015).  We had no idea.  All that worrying and excitement for nothing!  Patience would have been helpful.

Since we will have a senior half through his senior year next winter, we can request an even later move.   A whole year here longer than I thought.

I have to admit, I was crushed at first.  The selfish part of me wanted to throw a self pity party.  I wanted to explore a new state or country.  I wanted to start fresh.  Even though my kids really weren't ecstatic about another move, I wanted it.

Of course, now, I realize how much better this is for everyone. Reasons keep on coming to mind.....including another year of stability which is a precious commodity in the military.  I have some dear friends here, and so do the kids.

Not to mention the reason we are here...James has a great battalion, an excellent command team and he loves his soldiers.  He is really making a difference. They love him. (Disclosure:  That is not an opinion of a doting wife, I hear it constantly from soldiers.)

And as a reminder of how great Texas is, today, I wore my sandals!  It was sunny, beautiful and over 70 degrees.  Its not too bad to be stuck in a place like this.  

2015 Game Plan

Resolutions

Today is January 2, 2015.  I rarely make serious New Years Resolutions, because I don't want to make a resolution only to break it.  But I feel a need this year to really focus on a few areas in my life.  Partly because as a mother and homemaker, the way I live and manage the house and myself affects four other people.  So, my laziness, fatigue and poor choices usually reflect upon everyone else in various ways.  I think it is like that for everyone.  We may be individuals, but we are also communities.  We all affect each other with our choices.

Below are my kids and the motivation to be a much better example.

1.  DAILY READING TIME.  This doesn't mean my daily reading of facebook or emails which send me the best deal of the century for whatever they are selling.  I want to read good literature, in addition to my Bible.  Every day.  This past year I read the Idiot, which was incredible. But it took me forever!  I would forget where I put it and not read anything of value for a month! Right now I am reading Perelandra by C.S.Lewis.  Next on my list is the Foundation Trilogy by Asimov.  Yes, Brothers Karamazov is on the list, but I might choose an easier classic to read first.  

I know that if my kids see me unplugging and reading, it will have more of an impact than if I nag them to unplug and read.  

And I even found the best used bookstore ever in the next town to help me out. 

2. HEALTHY NATURAL FOODS.  We eat pretty healthy right now.  I cook most meals at home and have an average of one or two meals out (pizza or burgers or chinese takeout) a week.    I would like to cut out more processed food.  My problem is that my teenagers are bottomless pits, and it is so difficult to cook enough to have any leftovers. Without leftovers, I am cooking a LOT!  You may say, double the recipe, use a crock pot, and I DO!  I need to get a bigger crock pot though.  My downfall is the day old bakery section at our local grocery store.  I can't bake for the prices, and my kids love the muffins and treats.  Still, homemade blueberry muffins are a lot healthier than the chemically laced treats bought in store bakerys.

I resolve to bake and cook more at home with natural ingredients. If my kids see me eating healthy and I provide enough natural homecooked food to fill them, they will learn to choose healthier foods as well.

3. REGULAR EXERCISING.  Other than a nightly 2 mile walk with the hound, I havent exercised in months.  I have had no motivation or energy.  I know part of the reason is a chemical reason , but I know that once I commit and make exercising a daily habit, it will get easier to do.  In addition, I really need to be an example to my daughter Rose, who is 12 and is home schooled right now.  If I let her, after school is done, she will sit around playing video games or playing guitar (which is good, just not that physical) all day long.  She knows already how much better she feels if she runs a mile during the day, so I already have a running partner.  

4.  MICROWAVE COOKING. Along with the healthy eating above, I need to research how healthy microwave cooking is. We use that little silver box A LOT.  I know that microwave cooking alters the molecular structure of your foods.  What is the result of that?  Before we moved into this house, I had gone a year without it.  Its doable to live without, but its so nice to heat up a cup of coffee or quick snack!

5. DRAW OR PAINT EVERYDAY.  Every time I draw or paint something, I feel as though a part of my soul comes to life.  Do you ever feel like you are walking through life as a zombie?  I do sometimes, but when I make myself sit down to draw/paint, I feel more alive.  There is so much therapy in the creating.  Most of my sketches, I wouldn't show anyone, but its not about the end product, its about the process, and exploration of medium and techniques. 

6.  My major artistic problem is I am so ARTADD.  It is probably what made me a good art teacher.  I know enough about most mediums to work with them and  teach them.   But I am no master at any of them.   In addition, since I have so many interests, I usually have three or more projects going on at once and there is so much mess in my work area.   Which causes my work area to look like this photo.  Then I get stressed and run away into the room where I can play skyrim and block out my creative catastrophe.  

My interests also include  "artsy-craftsy" things like jewelry making.  Some of the more craftsy non fine art things I end up doing more because they are more practical, for either selling or gift giving. This takes away focus and time from drawing and painting. I am working on a self analysis of my work to decide what artistic ventures to focus on and what to put aside.  I am torn because locally there is a bead store which offers jewelry classes in soldering and metalsmithing.  Although I consider that true art, I am afraid that I will just accumulate more tools to be able to dabble with, but never perfect.  Then again, taking a class is priceless, learning an art and skill is always advantageous.

Looking at my list is a little overwhelming!  During the past week, however, these are the areas which I feel convicted about.  I need to set an example for my kids to follow, and life is so short.  I don't want to waste it!

So here's to a happy and healthy and productive 2015.