Lonely Girl Laments the System

With the homecoming of THE Chaplain approaching sometime soon, I probably should be writing about what life lessons were learned through out the ordeal.

But I am not, because something extraordinary happened. The last day of school (June 5), I did not make my son Ethan go to school.  It was the 8th grade graduation ceremony and awards were being given.
Parents like to go to those things and take photos.  Not me.  Not for Ethan.  And its not because I am not interested in his schooling.  Quite the opposite.

Several years ago, when I first started teaching, I was given a homeroom class which was considered by others a little difficult.  Before I go further, let me say, I loved these kids and they loved me.  We had a great 7th grade community and I was the one who took care of all the non studious details of school for them, in addition to teaching them Art and Science.

But there were a few students who were classically "unmotivated".  They did not care about completing assignments, or handing them in, or studying for tests.  The headmaster of the school sent me to an enlightening workshop.  It was taught by the guy who wrote this book.  http://www.amazon.com/The-Motivation-Breakthrough-Secrets-Tuned-Out/dp/0743289617

One of the illustrations he used was of a high school student, who upon the FIRST time EVER of having his work displayed on a bulletin board, excitedly brought his parents to see it.  It was a monumental thing to him, the achievement of being recognized for doing well.  There were tears of joy.  My retelling falls flat, but it was an inspirational story of how a teacher's legitimate acknowledgement of a student's work can make a huge difference. Especially for those kids who fall between the cracks.

The American classroom is set up so that a CERTAIN kind of learner can excel.  Since not all students are made to sit in a seat for seven hours and learn through either auditory or visual means, even if a student is intelligent, it does not mean he/she will do well.  Or even want to do well.  And in addition to this, a student who thinks they are "dumb" because they do not do well in the classroom, has a tendency to become a problematic student.  It is better to be thought "bad" than "dumb", its a cover up for some students to hide the fact that they dont think they can do well.

My son is the quiet kid in the classroom, and doesnt speak often.  He doesnt cause trouble. He slips through the cracks easily. In first grade he had a  teacher who placed him in the back of the room, near a window, and then she wondered why he  couldn't pay attention to her talking and lecturing. She thought he had a learning disability.  But the problem was that he was soooo bored.  I taught him how to read, she did not.  I sat down 10 minutes a night and worked through this big yellow book.  He did great.

In fifth grade, his teacher talked to him like he was dumb throughout the year.  You know the slow deliberate tone when you are not sure the listener is comprehending you.  She told him excitedly after he passed the End of Course (state) exam for math, "I am so proud of you, I didnt think you could pass."   REALLY? 

I lost my stomach for awards ceremonies when he was in elementary school.  One year, every student in his class got an acadamic award or achievement of some type, except three.  He was one who did not.  I realized then, how it must feel for him.  I asked him about it afterwards and he said "Whats the big deal about As and Bs?  You work really hard all year, and what do you get?  A piece of paper! Not worth the effort."  He doesnt realize that sometimes pieces of paper  are VERY important in life, but to a young boy who would rather be out there with a baseball stick, it doesn't seem to be important at all.

 I am not a supporter of giving every kid an award, that promotes mediocrity.  But every kid but three might promote mediocrity and in addition, push those who do average work even lower.

So, this year, he asked me if he could stay home and not go to 8th grade graduation.  And I said yes.  But I made a MISTAKE!  When I went to pick up his diploma, there was something unexpected in the envelope....

This is his FIRST academic excellence award EVER.

I could tell he was very pleased.  It was a HUGE thing for him.  This piece of paper was needed.  I am hoping that this encouragement motivates him to put an effort into high school.  He is smart, he just never believed he was since the classroom never worked for his learning style. 

This is a kid who watches science documentaries and can comprehend concepts such as rocket ships,  and colonization of other planets, among other deep subjects.   Now that he is beginning high school, he should have the tools which can help him succeed.  He just needed the motivation.  I have great appreciation for his history teacher for noticing his  natural love for the subject and acknowledging it.  

Later, we went to the book store.  He went to the philosophy and history section of the book store and picked out this.  We are reading it together and discussing the ideas.  He also needed glasses, who knows how long he couldn't see the board.  I told you he was quiet.....

Lonely Girl Saga .... Deployments Suck

 I have lasted over 5 months without being committed to either an insane asylum or prison.  I am doing great!

(Thanks to  Lovesparks Photography for the fantastic photo of me with the bluebonnets.)

Seriously, I have not written a while, or posted a lot on facebook or instagramed, or pinterested, because life has been crazy!  Both here and for Chappy in Afghanistan.    I will write a book one day about it all, I hope.  Life is crazier than fiction, but I must remain silent now.  (Hope I am building intrigue)

The media tells everyone that the troops are coming home, but around here, most of the soldiers are gone. The general consensus around Fort Hood is that Deployments Suck!  My dear mother would not appreciate me using such a vulgar term, but sometimes only certain words will do for certain situations.  Sorry, Mom, Love you!

First of all, as far as deployment is concerned, I was TOLD by my good friend Monica that deployment is the ROLLER COASTER ride.  Extreme emotions, pining, missing, obsessing, loving.  And then the rubber band effect of anger and frustration of not being able to connect with your loved one physically in any way.

Now, being a Chaplain's wife, I probably should say that my husband and I have a perfect marriage and never fight.  He teaches and trains his soldiers and their families on marriage.  He does a LOT of marital counseling.  So, since he is an expert, we should have an idyllic, calm, perfect marriage.  So here, comes another confession...

My husband and I like to argue.    I am not sure "like" is a good word.  But we would rather slug out the conflict rather than passive aggressively suppress any problems.  It is probably the high Italian content in both of our blood makeup. We have never fallen into a pattern where we don't talk to each other because we are angry.  And even after almost 20 years of marriage (I can NOT be that old)  we have not settled into a comfortable or boring relationship. That is fine for some people. I applaud and respect the people who can live together and never fight.  But I will take the conflict happily, not only because it helps us resolve our issues, but more importantly when we make up and kiss, it is just as magical as that first kiss so long ago. But when you are separated, for MONTHS, making up is a little different than usual.  You can't kiss.  So fighting is more stressful.  And the pain of separation and missing each other becomes more acute.

There have been so many OTHER situations arising on both sides of the sea, that I can't possibly fit all the drama here.
Please wait for a book to come soon to major booksellers (Yeah, right, if I KNEW someone in the industry)

I am just hoping and praying that the he comes home as soon as possible.  Safe and sound.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks to  Lovesparks Photography for the fantastic photo of me with the bluebonnets.

Lonely Girl Misses The Chaplain..

So, I guess you could say that the Lonely Girl has been trying to keep her head above water, and hasn't written or read anything of value lately.  My brain is turning into essentially a  piece of mushy oatmeal.

But really today is all about my confession.  I am weak.  I AM DONE.   This whole deployment thing was novel at first in a tragically Jane Austen sort of way.  It was a challenge.  To take on sorrow and "THRIVE Not Just Survive" as they say around these Army lands. To deal with the pain of separation from your soul mate and become stronger because of the pain.  To function and run everything and fix everything and not get into any car accidents and to have everything perfect so that when he comes home he will say "you did such a great job, Baby"  and then he will plant a great big kiss on my lips for a job well done.  ( And I am completely aware of the previous sentence being a run on.  I was attempting to be poetic.)

But I AM DONE now.  Please end, already, deployment.  I want THE Chaplain home safely tomorrow morning as soon as I wake up.   I am SUCH a whimp.  So many of these Army wives have been through multiple year long deployments and I am done at 78 days.  But its not ALL my fault.   I have had some real struggles keeping up with getting everyone where they need to be, especially since its baseball season, keeping the house decent, keeping food in the house and actually cooking something besides KFC chicken or Whataburger, without all of the added stresses heaped on us lately.

The past couple of weeks have been horrible around Fort Hood.  My parents came into town for a visit, which was wonderful.  During their visit, not only does the The Most Epic Hailstorm fall upon us, but the Fort Hood shooting of 2014.  No wonder they didn't stay longer than 9 days.  

As far as the Epic Hailstorm goes... my "new" Mazda which I barely take out of the garage, was taken out for a trip to Lowe's.  I thought it might rain and my Jeep had no top on it that day (which is how it should be).  

No sooner had I stepped into the store with my dad, did it start to rain.
No.   It didn't rain.  The sky vomited  buckets of water and huge balls of ice upon the mere mortals who lived below. And the wind whipped around in crazy swirls and gusts threatening to blow everything in the town away.  I could almost see the Wicked Witch on her broom flying in the windy patterns.  It was like no other storm I have EVER seen.

I resigned myself to a car with broken windshields and a unrecognizable exterior.

It wasn't that bad, but it definitely needed to be fixed.  I was afraid to stress The Chaplain out by telling him about it before I got details.  He has much more important things to fix.  But today, I found out all will be well, because insurance is a good thing to have.

But WHY do these things happen when he is GONE?

I just don't want to deal with all that stuff anymore.  Being a Princess, I didn't even know if insurance would cover it.  And yes, I used my supposed princess status to add a picture of a real life princess in a lovely dress.

  I don't usually have to deal with car stuff.   Or unwinterizing the sprinkler system.  Or mowing lawns.  Or, well, even vacuuming.  (Yep he does that too, please don't judge me too harshly)  And since I am easily distractible it takes me twice as long to do anything. 

And then the shooting happened, which was such a terrible catastrophe for the whole community.....no the whole nation. But especially for those whose loved ones were touched.  We were not near the base when it happened, but those who were on base were locked down for several hours.  It was very chaotic.

Mostly, though, I just really miss him.    I miss hanging out with him every night.  

Ironically, in the midst of all of the craziness, there is indescribable natural beauty here in the Lonestar state.  The wildflowers are blooming everywhere.

Beautiful fields of every color imaginable.  I took a few photos of the bluebonnet fields, but they are not the ONLY flower in Texas.  There are bright orange red flowers called Indian paintbrushes.  And bright yellow daisies.  And other daisies which are yellow with coral red centers.  And regular daisies.  And light pink flowers I don't know the name of.  And there are unending fields of them everywhere.  When I see them I think "This is how the Other Land looks in C.S.Lewis' The Last Battle".

The fields get more lush and colorful, the closer you get to Hill Country or Salado or Austin.  Well, anywhere further from Fort Hood because the military experiments must have messed with the environment and all.  (JUST KIDDING!)  My point is, spring is absolutely beautiful in Texas and the flowers astound me every day.  I need to get photos of the "other flowers", too.  Texas is more than bluebonnets (please dont lynch me, Texan natives).   OH and the horses are beautiful too.  I still want my husband home, though.  Right away.

The Lonely Girl Saga Continues...

I have been so proud of myself.  I have not allowed the pantry to empty.  I have kept track of the many conflicting schedules and been able to stay on track.  I have (on most days) been able to exercise the dog adequately.  The bills have been paid, the kids lunches made, and the list could go on.  I was beginning to think that I can handle the single mom life.

The way I tackle this life is to  take one week at a time.  I don't look too far ahead. I concentrate on the day's schedule and in a vague sort of way, the next few days.
While at the orthodontist today with my two brace-faced kids, I looked at the calendar and realized..... SPRING BREAK is in three days!  I thought it was still two or three weeks away.  HOW DID I MISS THIS HUGELY IMPORTANT EVENT????!!!!
Yes, I am happy and relieved.  I could SO use some extra sleep.  And a week with no tests or projects would be heavenly.  But I also realized how scattered and messed up my brain functions are! I haven't even planned anything.  I have no idea WHY I thought Spring Break was the week of the 19th, but I did.  My brain is scaring me.  And I have nothing planned!

Yet, even though I realize my brain may be 'on the fritz', last night something happened that was FABULOUS!

 I have been trying to sell my wedding dress on Etsy for months.  I wondered why I have lugged that big acid free box, with the dress inside, around wherever we have gone for almost 20 years.  I thought, "Let me make some money.  Let me sell this dress.  My daughter will not like it or want it.  Why am I keeping this purely for sentimental reasons?"    I have received some low ball offers, which I refused.  I am not sure why.  I have kept it online since it brings a lot of "favoriting" to my shop.  People are constantly adding it to their favorite item list, even if no one wants to buy it.  So, it is good for my shop.

Then, last night, my daughter saw the Etsy page which I had left up on my computer screen.  She says, "Oh, MOM!  There is a VINTAGE VICTORIAN FAIRY WEDDING DRESS on Etsy!  Its so cool and its beautiful!"
I laughed and said, "That is my dress. Don't you recognize me in the photo (I took the photo a few months ago for the selling of it). Do you want to wear it someday for your wedding?"  She squealed ,  "YES!   Its SO Pretty."  That made my MONTH actually.

I am not sure if she will feel the same in more than twenty years, when she will be allowed to date (she is almost 12 now).  BUT, it felt great that she thought my taste was good.  And maybe I will keep lugging that big box around.   JUST IN CASE.

Confessions of A Lonely Girl

I have another secret confession.

I am a closet stuffer.  
Let me explain.  I like things neat and organized.  I like to have everything in order. But I also usually have multiple projects going on at any moment.  Plus, I often have days like this....

I believe I may have Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

Anyway, I usually end up with piles of papers and other odds and ends everywhere.  SO, being that I like the appearance of order, I stuff these piles of papers and other stuff in closets.  Any closet close by. Sometimes I stuff things in drawers too.  I try to limit this stuffing to only two "junk drawers".  Then at least I can pretend that my world is in order, because everything looks cleaned up.

This.... bothers me and stresses me out, and yet is my continual state of household order.

But when I stuff all that in a closet, I can try to forget about the chaos.

If you walk in my house and it looks all neat and clean and organized, its a LIE.
And please don't open any cupboards, closets or drawers.  Things may fall on you.



So, continuing on in the Epic Adventures of  The Lonely Girl, the past couple of days have been torturous due to my closet stuffing.  You see, when your spouse deploys, there are a few important papers that you MUST keep close by.

Most important, besides the Last Will and Testament is the Power of Attorney.

 Believe it or not, there are SO many things which you (if you are a spouse) cannot do without it!  This week, I needed to transfer the lien holder of the title to my Jeep.  We refinanced it a couple of months ago, and of course everything took longer than it should.  I had to go to the DMV with a car title in the name of my husband and try to do business.  No cigar!  If you do not have a Power of Attorney, they won't even talk to you, even though it is for all intents and purposes MY CAR!

I thought I knew where I put the piece of paper.  Since it was so important, I put it in a special place.   I KNEW that I needed it for multiple purposes. It was not where I thought it would be.  Or any of the other safe places I have.   I spent hours tearing apart every room and closet.  (I actually used the opportunity to organize each place I searched.  I can now walk into my walk in closet, thank you very much)

Finally, after fretting and stressing, and totally falling apart emotionally, I checked one more place.  My art supply closet.  I usually don't put papers in there, other than art paper, but hey, why not?  And miracle of miracles, a pile of random papers were in there!  I feverishly ripped through them and lo and behold, it was there!
I started to sing the Hallelujah Chorus and danced around a bit. After a prayer of thanks, I gathered my papers and fled to the DMV to be rid of the blasted title.

How did it end up there? See, my in laws had made a last minute trip to see  The Chaplain off to Afghanistan, and I had cleaned before they came.
Which meant that I gathered any papers laying around and STUFFED them into the closet.  That is what closet stuffers do.   

I think I could go on about how this is indicative of a spiritual matter.  Of a personality that likes to stuff all their sins and faults away and put on a mask or facade of perfection.
But this is not me.
I just like my house to look clean.
Someday, my dream is to have closets which are organized and pretty.

And I hope to not stuff everything in them.  

Lonely Girl Journal

Soooo.... who's idea was it to buy a house in a NEW neighborhood with construction going on?
And who's idea was it to get a puppy, one who needs atleast an hour of exercise EVERY DAY?
AND WHO'S IDEA was it to have three kids?  Two teenage boys and a preteen girl?
ALL right before their husband deploys?


That's right folks.. its ME!

It has been one week since James (THE Chaplain as he likes to be called) has deployed.  And I was actually thinking I could have time to read and play Skyrim.  Oh and paint, maybe draw a little, because that's what I DO!  FAIL!  I have had three kids who either had anxiety illness or the FLU!  I think it might be the flu.  SERIOUSLY.

But since I deal with things so perfectly, I decided to pamper myself and get my haircut.  Because why not? I cut it shorter than I have in years (shorter than my shoulders) since Ethan as a four year old told me "Mom, I love you but I don't like your hair."  So, there you go.  A forty year old woman dealing with stress.

 But... victory won.  I fixed the garbage disposal in the sink. YAY for me :)  Now if I can manage having a daily devotional time and exercise (other than the dog walking).  

On a positive note, my husband is safe and I was able to talk with him through messaging and skype a couple times today.

Tale of a Lonely Girl

My husband left me on Tuesday.

So I am officially a single mom.

I knew he would, of course.  The signs were all there.  The late hours.  The emotional detachment.  .   I know I am not alone.  I know some of you know my pain.

It is impossible to compete when your husband's mistress is so attractive.  Somehow he was given the idea that all of his soul's longings would be filled.  Adventure, Honor, Duty, Sacrifice.....and recognition.  He even came home with coins.
You may have guessed (especially if you are a military spouse) that my husband's mistress is the United States Army!  He deployed this week and he is in Afghanistan.

I am really dreading the next few months because EVERY spouse of a soldier I have spoken to told of some catastrophe which happens during deployment.  Cars breakdown, kid's bones break, appliances explode, puking diseases, and dog emergencies are just a few I have heard about.  I am holding my breath.

I am actually looking forward to one aspect of the separation.  I want to prove to myself that I can do things on my own.  That I can fix catastrophes and make sure the family is running properly.

I am a newcomer to the military lifestyle.  So, I have teenagers and this is our first deployment.  That is not the norm.  My functioning in the culture is sometimes quite humorous.  Its a good thing I can laugh at myself!  For example, I sometimes forget what rank all the little symbols are. That can cause some problems.  Last week, we were at a predeployment function,  and a man with a little eagle on his uniform came up and started joking around with my hubby.  He asked me if my husband was ready for deployment, and I said (not realizing what the eagle meant), "Oh he can't wait!  He wants the adventure and the glory and honor!"  The brigade commander, the Colonel, laughed and said , "There's no adventure or glory over there!"  I probably would have been too nervous to say anything intelligible if I knew who he was, so its probably a good thing.

Needless to say, I am sure I will continue to have awkward moments.  Due to deployment, and I might just write them here.


Some other mishaps of the Lonely Girl as a Military Wife....


http://rambling-meditations.blogspot.com/
http://rambling-meditations.blogspot.com/2013_09_01_archive.html
http://rambling-meditations.blogspot.com/2013_07_01_archive.html