Lonely Girl Misses The Chaplain..

So, I guess you could say that the Lonely Girl has been trying to keep her head above water, and hasn't written or read anything of value lately.  My brain is turning into essentially a  piece of mushy oatmeal.

But really today is all about my confession.  I am weak.  I AM DONE.   This whole deployment thing was novel at first in a tragically Jane Austen sort of way.  It was a challenge.  To take on sorrow and "THRIVE Not Just Survive" as they say around these Army lands. To deal with the pain of separation from your soul mate and become stronger because of the pain.  To function and run everything and fix everything and not get into any car accidents and to have everything perfect so that when he comes home he will say "you did such a great job, Baby"  and then he will plant a great big kiss on my lips for a job well done.  ( And I am completely aware of the previous sentence being a run on.  I was attempting to be poetic.)

But I AM DONE now.  Please end, already, deployment.  I want THE Chaplain home safely tomorrow morning as soon as I wake up.   I am SUCH a whimp.  So many of these Army wives have been through multiple year long deployments and I am done at 78 days.  But its not ALL my fault.   I have had some real struggles keeping up with getting everyone where they need to be, especially since its baseball season, keeping the house decent, keeping food in the house and actually cooking something besides KFC chicken or Whataburger, without all of the added stresses heaped on us lately.

The past couple of weeks have been horrible around Fort Hood.  My parents came into town for a visit, which was wonderful.  During their visit, not only does the The Most Epic Hailstorm fall upon us, but the Fort Hood shooting of 2014.  No wonder they didn't stay longer than 9 days.  

As far as the Epic Hailstorm goes... my "new" Mazda which I barely take out of the garage, was taken out for a trip to Lowe's.  I thought it might rain and my Jeep had no top on it that day (which is how it should be).  

No sooner had I stepped into the store with my dad, did it start to rain.
No.   It didn't rain.  The sky vomited  buckets of water and huge balls of ice upon the mere mortals who lived below. And the wind whipped around in crazy swirls and gusts threatening to blow everything in the town away.  I could almost see the Wicked Witch on her broom flying in the windy patterns.  It was like no other storm I have EVER seen.

I resigned myself to a car with broken windshields and a unrecognizable exterior.

It wasn't that bad, but it definitely needed to be fixed.  I was afraid to stress The Chaplain out by telling him about it before I got details.  He has much more important things to fix.  But today, I found out all will be well, because insurance is a good thing to have.

But WHY do these things happen when he is GONE?

I just don't want to deal with all that stuff anymore.  Being a Princess, I didn't even know if insurance would cover it.  And yes, I used my supposed princess status to add a picture of a real life princess in a lovely dress.

  I don't usually have to deal with car stuff.   Or unwinterizing the sprinkler system.  Or mowing lawns.  Or, well, even vacuuming.  (Yep he does that too, please don't judge me too harshly)  And since I am easily distractible it takes me twice as long to do anything. 

And then the shooting happened, which was such a terrible catastrophe for the whole community.....no the whole nation. But especially for those whose loved ones were touched.  We were not near the base when it happened, but those who were on base were locked down for several hours.  It was very chaotic.

Mostly, though, I just really miss him.    I miss hanging out with him every night.  

Ironically, in the midst of all of the craziness, there is indescribable natural beauty here in the Lonestar state.  The wildflowers are blooming everywhere.

Beautiful fields of every color imaginable.  I took a few photos of the bluebonnet fields, but they are not the ONLY flower in Texas.  There are bright orange red flowers called Indian paintbrushes.  And bright yellow daisies.  And other daisies which are yellow with coral red centers.  And regular daisies.  And light pink flowers I don't know the name of.  And there are unending fields of them everywhere.  When I see them I think "This is how the Other Land looks in C.S.Lewis' The Last Battle".

The fields get more lush and colorful, the closer you get to Hill Country or Salado or Austin.  Well, anywhere further from Fort Hood because the military experiments must have messed with the environment and all.  (JUST KIDDING!)  My point is, spring is absolutely beautiful in Texas and the flowers astound me every day.  I need to get photos of the "other flowers", too.  Texas is more than bluebonnets (please dont lynch me, Texan natives).   OH and the horses are beautiful too.  I still want my husband home, though.  Right away.

The Lonely Girl Saga Continues...

I have been so proud of myself.  I have not allowed the pantry to empty.  I have kept track of the many conflicting schedules and been able to stay on track.  I have (on most days) been able to exercise the dog adequately.  The bills have been paid, the kids lunches made, and the list could go on.  I was beginning to think that I can handle the single mom life.

The way I tackle this life is to  take one week at a time.  I don't look too far ahead. I concentrate on the day's schedule and in a vague sort of way, the next few days.
While at the orthodontist today with my two brace-faced kids, I looked at the calendar and realized..... SPRING BREAK is in three days!  I thought it was still two or three weeks away.  HOW DID I MISS THIS HUGELY IMPORTANT EVENT????!!!!
Yes, I am happy and relieved.  I could SO use some extra sleep.  And a week with no tests or projects would be heavenly.  But I also realized how scattered and messed up my brain functions are! I haven't even planned anything.  I have no idea WHY I thought Spring Break was the week of the 19th, but I did.  My brain is scaring me.  And I have nothing planned!

Yet, even though I realize my brain may be 'on the fritz', last night something happened that was FABULOUS!

 I have been trying to sell my wedding dress on Etsy for months.  I wondered why I have lugged that big acid free box, with the dress inside, around wherever we have gone for almost 20 years.  I thought, "Let me make some money.  Let me sell this dress.  My daughter will not like it or want it.  Why am I keeping this purely for sentimental reasons?"    I have received some low ball offers, which I refused.  I am not sure why.  I have kept it online since it brings a lot of "favoriting" to my shop.  People are constantly adding it to their favorite item list, even if no one wants to buy it.  So, it is good for my shop.

Then, last night, my daughter saw the Etsy page which I had left up on my computer screen.  She says, "Oh, MOM!  There is a VINTAGE VICTORIAN FAIRY WEDDING DRESS on Etsy!  Its so cool and its beautiful!"
I laughed and said, "That is my dress. Don't you recognize me in the photo (I took the photo a few months ago for the selling of it). Do you want to wear it someday for your wedding?"  She squealed ,  "YES!   Its SO Pretty."  That made my MONTH actually.

I am not sure if she will feel the same in more than twenty years, when she will be allowed to date (she is almost 12 now).  BUT, it felt great that she thought my taste was good.  And maybe I will keep lugging that big box around.   JUST IN CASE.

Confessions of A Lonely Girl

I have another secret confession.

I am a closet stuffer.  
Let me explain.  I like things neat and organized.  I like to have everything in order. But I also usually have multiple projects going on at any moment.  Plus, I often have days like this....

I believe I may have Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

Anyway, I usually end up with piles of papers and other odds and ends everywhere.  SO, being that I like the appearance of order, I stuff these piles of papers and other stuff in closets.  Any closet close by. Sometimes I stuff things in drawers too.  I try to limit this stuffing to only two "junk drawers".  Then at least I can pretend that my world is in order, because everything looks cleaned up.

This.... bothers me and stresses me out, and yet is my continual state of household order.

But when I stuff all that in a closet, I can try to forget about the chaos.

If you walk in my house and it looks all neat and clean and organized, its a LIE.
And please don't open any cupboards, closets or drawers.  Things may fall on you.



So, continuing on in the Epic Adventures of  The Lonely Girl, the past couple of days have been torturous due to my closet stuffing.  You see, when your spouse deploys, there are a few important papers that you MUST keep close by.

Most important, besides the Last Will and Testament is the Power of Attorney.

 Believe it or not, there are SO many things which you (if you are a spouse) cannot do without it!  This week, I needed to transfer the lien holder of the title to my Jeep.  We refinanced it a couple of months ago, and of course everything took longer than it should.  I had to go to the DMV with a car title in the name of my husband and try to do business.  No cigar!  If you do not have a Power of Attorney, they won't even talk to you, even though it is for all intents and purposes MY CAR!

I thought I knew where I put the piece of paper.  Since it was so important, I put it in a special place.   I KNEW that I needed it for multiple purposes. It was not where I thought it would be.  Or any of the other safe places I have.   I spent hours tearing apart every room and closet.  (I actually used the opportunity to organize each place I searched.  I can now walk into my walk in closet, thank you very much)

Finally, after fretting and stressing, and totally falling apart emotionally, I checked one more place.  My art supply closet.  I usually don't put papers in there, other than art paper, but hey, why not?  And miracle of miracles, a pile of random papers were in there!  I feverishly ripped through them and lo and behold, it was there!
I started to sing the Hallelujah Chorus and danced around a bit. After a prayer of thanks, I gathered my papers and fled to the DMV to be rid of the blasted title.

How did it end up there? See, my in laws had made a last minute trip to see  The Chaplain off to Afghanistan, and I had cleaned before they came.
Which meant that I gathered any papers laying around and STUFFED them into the closet.  That is what closet stuffers do.   

I think I could go on about how this is indicative of a spiritual matter.  Of a personality that likes to stuff all their sins and faults away and put on a mask or facade of perfection.
But this is not me.
I just like my house to look clean.
Someday, my dream is to have closets which are organized and pretty.

And I hope to not stuff everything in them.  

Lonely Girl Journal

Soooo.... who's idea was it to buy a house in a NEW neighborhood with construction going on?
And who's idea was it to get a puppy, one who needs atleast an hour of exercise EVERY DAY?
AND WHO'S IDEA was it to have three kids?  Two teenage boys and a preteen girl?
ALL right before their husband deploys?


That's right folks.. its ME!

It has been one week since James (THE Chaplain as he likes to be called) has deployed.  And I was actually thinking I could have time to read and play Skyrim.  Oh and paint, maybe draw a little, because that's what I DO!  FAIL!  I have had three kids who either had anxiety illness or the FLU!  I think it might be the flu.  SERIOUSLY.

But since I deal with things so perfectly, I decided to pamper myself and get my haircut.  Because why not? I cut it shorter than I have in years (shorter than my shoulders) since Ethan as a four year old told me "Mom, I love you but I don't like your hair."  So, there you go.  A forty year old woman dealing with stress.

 But... victory won.  I fixed the garbage disposal in the sink. YAY for me :)  Now if I can manage having a daily devotional time and exercise (other than the dog walking).  

On a positive note, my husband is safe and I was able to talk with him through messaging and skype a couple times today.

Tale of a Lonely Girl

My husband left me on Tuesday.

So I am officially a single mom.

I knew he would, of course.  The signs were all there.  The late hours.  The emotional detachment.  .   I know I am not alone.  I know some of you know my pain.

It is impossible to compete when your husband's mistress is so attractive.  Somehow he was given the idea that all of his soul's longings would be filled.  Adventure, Honor, Duty, Sacrifice.....and recognition.  He even came home with coins.
You may have guessed (especially if you are a military spouse) that my husband's mistress is the United States Army!  He deployed this week and he is in Afghanistan.

I am really dreading the next few months because EVERY spouse of a soldier I have spoken to told of some catastrophe which happens during deployment.  Cars breakdown, kid's bones break, appliances explode, puking diseases, and dog emergencies are just a few I have heard about.  I am holding my breath.

I am actually looking forward to one aspect of the separation.  I want to prove to myself that I can do things on my own.  That I can fix catastrophes and make sure the family is running properly.

I am a newcomer to the military lifestyle.  So, I have teenagers and this is our first deployment.  That is not the norm.  My functioning in the culture is sometimes quite humorous.  Its a good thing I can laugh at myself!  For example, I sometimes forget what rank all the little symbols are. That can cause some problems.  Last week, we were at a predeployment function,  and a man with a little eagle on his uniform came up and started joking around with my hubby.  He asked me if my husband was ready for deployment, and I said (not realizing what the eagle meant), "Oh he can't wait!  He wants the adventure and the glory and honor!"  The brigade commander, the Colonel, laughed and said , "There's no adventure or glory over there!"  I probably would have been too nervous to say anything intelligible if I knew who he was, so its probably a good thing.

Needless to say, I am sure I will continue to have awkward moments.  Due to deployment, and I might just write them here.


Some other mishaps of the Lonely Girl as a Military Wife....


http://rambling-meditations.blogspot.com/
http://rambling-meditations.blogspot.com/2013_09_01_archive.html
http://rambling-meditations.blogspot.com/2013_07_01_archive.html

Herein I relate the catastrophe of attempting to do my own nails... by myself...

I tried, I really tried.  I put every effort into being "put together".  My normal routine before leaving the house is this....
1) 2 minutes brush teeth
2) 1 minute wash face
3) 20 seconds slather on some tinted moisturizer
4) 10 seconds mascara

optional:
Hair.  Well, I put  some coconut oil in when its wet and then  I let it air dry.... who wants to actually blow dry their hair anyway? Its boring.

It probably takes me longer to locate my keys and my shoes than it takes to prep myself.

For last week's Holiday formal "event" or "ball", I decided to be more intentional.  The tousled look was good last year, but this year I had a vision in my mind.  I wanted to emulate Lauren Bacall's timeless look.  She looks classic, elegant, finished and beautiful.  I love her.

I did my research on how to attain such soft waves, and on how to do the 1945 makeup.  Those women spent hours fixing their hair like that!  And that eye makeup took talent and time as well!

I made a huge mistake, though.  I decided to further my independence in the mystical field of cosmetology and do my nails too!  I borrowed my friend's nail lights and had a couple of hours before the dinner to achieve the look.  Now, I should add that I am self conscious of my nails and rarely have them painted for the same reason.  And they are not long at all.  Rather stubby.  Its because I make art.  There is no way I won't chip polish in the same day, and normally they have some sort of stain or discoloration from something I have been doing.  Sometimes they look dirty, when its really just ink under my nails.

I began painting my nails.
I put on two thick coats and stuck them under the nail light.  I waited a few minutes and tried to take them out.  I messed up!  I moved too fast and they were still gloopy.
Take two.  I put on a coat of polish.  Decide to curl my hair,  Didn't seal the bottle.  The polish is knocked over, hits the tile floor, shatters and glass and polish go EVERYWHERE.
Including my foot, which was stained with pink.
And I tried to clean it off the floor to prevent staining and ended up getting it all into my fingers and it was sticky and a huge mess.  I managed to find some remover , which was good since I used the last of my other bottle on my first mishap and painstakingly rubbed off both the stickiness and most of the stains out of my skin.
Take three.  I found another bottle of nail polish and put on a thin coat and somehow managed to finish my hair with semi-wet nails.  I ran out of time, really.
Why did I think I could manage in this world of manicure and glamour?  I am just a poor farm girl from upstate New York.  I am no match for the southern belles around here!

Of course when you look at my picture below, you may realize how silly I was.  My dress is too long to worry about nail polish on toes, or stained skin as well.  And I was going to wear gloves most of the night anyway, so my fingers weren't going to be criticized either. (Except  you can't wear gloves while you eat...)

My mother told me something importatnt when I was a girl.   She said that people won't notice if you wear the same dress two sundays in a row to church.  People usually don't notice trivial things which we sometimes worry about.  We are consumed about little details that fill up our time and our minds, and really don't matter in the big picture.

And as a further note on why it doesn't matter, just look at my husbands lovely face and how much he loves these social events.   And photos.  He loves photo shoots.  

Merry Christmas!

Funeral Duty Day

There are two dreaded "duties" among Chaplains here at Fort Hood.   One of them, the Duty Phone is the 24 hour crisis hotline phone, which each battalion chaplain has to man once or twice a month.  The other is Funeral Duty, which obliges the chaplain with the duty, to perform any funerals for Veterans within approximately a 200 mile radius for the day.  THE Chaplain (a.k.a.  Ch. Cochell, my husband) had funeral duty this past Friday.  He knew about the funeral beforehand and had a nice little sermon planned for the cemetery ceremony.  We planned to leave the house around 10 am to get to the cemetery the required 30 minutes early.  

9:30 the phone rings.  "Chaplain, the family is getting a little worried that you are not here."  What?  Well, apparently, there were two services for this particular veteran.  One at the funeral home and one at the cemetery right after.  We rushed over to the funeral home (it was a frantic, stressful drive to get there in time)  and walked in as the music began, and The Chaplain was handed a program which included a small sermon by him.
See, the five minute sermon often takes longer to prepare than the 30 minute sermon.  Each word is more meaningful, since you only get to say a few.  I knew he had a sermon prepared for the cemetery, and I wondered with a smirk if he was going to use that one first and brew up something on the ride over to the cemetery, or whether he had something in reserve to use for such an occasion.  It somewhat amused me to see what would happen.  I am not a cruel person, because I knew he would be able to handle the situation and everything would be fine.  He, on the other hand, being a pessimist was worried that it would be the greatest catastrophe ever and there would be reports of his deficiencies all the way up to the Chief of Chaplains.
As the service progressed, it came time for his "homily".  He began to speak and it was not the prepared sermon.  It was a beautiful heart felt message of truth and hope.  It was a message honoring the 28 year veteran of the military.  The largely African-American audience hung on every word and every sentence was followed by loud "Amens".  I couldn't help but shed a tear.  It was so beautiful.  And afterwards I had to ask him how it all happened and he said it was all the "Holy Spirit".  Which is against his training, which trained him to be prepared and never rely on chance or whim.  But this was out of his control.
So, yes, The Chaplain astounded me today with his heart and speaking ability, and his ability to "listen to the Spirit".  I guess miracles still happen today.



Later that day he wrote this on my Facebook wall...
(if you know my husband, this is totally tongue and cheek)

"Erasmus, in his most excellent book The Praise of Folly, writes in regards to Stultitia Loquitur: And thus what great orators elswhere can hardly bring about in a long, carefully planned speech, I have done in a moment, with nothing but my looks. If I can take it out of context, my thoughts exactly.

He goes on to say about orators,'They as you know so well, when they bring out a speech they have been working on for thirty whole years, and sometimes not their own at all, will swear it was written in three days, for pastime, or even that they merely dictated it. For my part, it has always been most satisfactory to speak "whatever pops into my head." ' This he defines as moria - or folly. Or as Gimli would say about Moria, 'They call it a mine, a mine!' And I would say to Gimli, this looks more like a tomb than a mine."   -Chaplain James Cochell,  U.S.Army